it's easy to become disappointed in people

there are so many times in my lifetime where i have trusted people to be who they are, who they present themselves to be, only to be utterly disappointed in getting to know who they actually are. it's because i have so much trust in others, in the goodness of others.

it really weighs down my heart, more than i think i can bear sometimes. like the character of darcy in pride and prejudice, once my favor is lost, it is lost forever. unless of course, you somehow redeem yourself.

some faults of mine that drive other people mad: i am too nice. i am not trusting enough in myself. i have no self esteem. i am too nice. to some, i'm sure, i am not nice enough. i am consumed in my work. i am not afraid to die. i am not afraid to not exist. i text message way too often. my silence is deadly.

what i hope to achieve in the new year: the career goals i have set for myself. strengthening my friendships. learning to love myself, just as i am. ha. this is the stupidest shit i've ever written on this blog. i apologize in advance. it's starting to make me sick.