open your eyelids, child

for much of my life, i grew up with my family telling me that i needed to fix a lot of things about myself before i could be a person worthy of any attention. one of the things they would always tell me was that i needed to get plastic surgery on my eyes to make them look more caucasian and less like the tiny asian slits that they are. my 90 year old grandmother still bugs me about it to this day, but i just try to ignore her and attribute her wackiness to senility.

and yes, it's true, i've considered getting the surgery. in photos, i wish my eyes weren't so tiny -- i feel like it makes me look drunk or completely wasted, even when i'm not. if there were a feature on a camera to make me look more sober (like how some cameras come with slimming features nowadays), i would buy it in a second.

i've often wondered whether or not my life would be brighter with bigger eyes. would more sunlight enter my pupil? would i be able to see more in my peripheral vision? would my eyes be dryer with more air contact? would i look like a bug-eyed freak? who really knows. i think these are the questions that people really wonder but are too afraid to ask for political correctness.

of course, there are many things about me that i would love to change with a couple swift cuts of the knife. but if life were that easy, i'm sure i would be a different person today. my younger sister is nothing like me. she's tough and has quite a powerful punch for such a petite girl. she's outspoken and doesn't let anyone mess with her. i'm gentle. soft spoken. more of an observer than a troublemaker. would i be different if i grew up in the same circumstances as her? maybe i would be mean and snotty. alas, i don't think i'll ever know the answer to these questions. there is no angel to float down and show me what life would be like had i grown up differently, and to be honest, i'm sort of glad there isn't. life is much more interesting when you don't know what's just around the corner. i value those thrills and highs.